Let’s talk mental health
Depression, anxiety and all the rest have become a fashion statement in modern society, that was a ‘latest trend’ that I didn’t want to keep up with. Don’t judge me for this but up until last year I denied mental health in all aspects depression was just a sad person who didn’t want to be happy and everyone has anxious behaviour so anxiety was someone who just wanted a little attention so blew their behaviour out of proportion. To this day a close friend of mine jokes with the fact I used to say mental illness does not exist I was so set on the idea and had developed such a stigma against it. I grew up in a single parent household with a mother who had severe depression she didn’t always show it but it was there, we never really talked about it until I was a lot older but by that time I had built such a stigma I shunned it off. I didn’t want to believe that my hero had such a thing to me she was just sad and in my younger teens I just wanted to scream get over it mum (I was not the nicest of teenagers to live with … tantrums on a daily basis). It was her black cloud that never goes away.
How did I let it in? how did I accept the fact a person was not just sad but they were really suffering they were locked inside a prison cell in their mind screaming for someone to hear their cries but in a world full of busy people no one could see the cracks behind the smile. I was very low in mood for the whole of my first year of uni I struggled and loved to drown my sorrows just the way mummy used to with a double vodka and coke x 10. One day I woke up to realise the feeling of being trapped in my own mind not being able to escape and the worst feeling sitting in a lecture theatre which is full but feel like you’re completely on your own, crying yourself to sleep every night to wake up the next morning so exhausted that leaving the house was just an impossible task. Wow … I guess maybe I was a little depressed. I had to accept it because I now felt it, every pain I could see in other people all those cracks I could see them but I just didn’t know what to do and honestly to this day I still don’t know quite what to do.
One thing I can say Is get help, whether its friends, family, a counsellor or an anonymous helpline there is help out there. I was taken to counselling twice growing up not because I seeked help but actually my hair gave my game away, when I’m down or stressed I start to lose my hair and the doctors tested for everything until there was no ‘medical’ conclusion but counselling is where I went. The best thing I got out of it was learning to journal my feelings and not bottle them up (still have a habit of bottling them up and then spending a day crying it’s a process). Secondly, I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but there will be sun again after the storm it can’t rain forever, the darkest days will make you so strong even though you feel so weak and trust me you will laugh again, you will love and you will become something. We are not just here to live and then die we are here to fulfil a purpose and through all the struggles we face one day we will be able to help someone with the same thing because although it feels like it, you are not the only one.